Work, work, and more work

I have been busy writing an article for work. I don't like to mix work (I am an editor for a magazine) with my private writing, but I have been enjoying the excruciating pain that comes from writing for a deadline. I may really like writing after all! Which is really great because my whole problem is not wanting to write.

Anyway, I have been reading on my off time and will begin the editing of my two chapters next week after I finish my article.

Checking in

I wanted to check in keep the blog current with my news of nothing. Really, I am doing stuff, it just moves very slowly. I have been writing every day and I started this exercise where I notice something fresh and new and comment on it in my journal. So far, so good. I mentioned on my myspace blog about DailyLit.com where you can sign up to have an installment of a classic work of literature sent to you daily. Perfect for those with short attention spans who flit around their ateliers in a state of permanent disarray. Like myself. Check it out.

I have been kicking myself for letting my habit of writing first thing in the morning slip, but nothing can be further from the truth! I have been on a diet since the beginning of the year and every morning I write in a notebook on what time I woke up, how I am feeling, etc. I have done this every day without fail. Writing is writing and a habit is a habit. I have to stop being so hard on myself.

That being said, I have once again begun to write in my journal dedicated to early morning thoughts beyond weight loss efforts. So I am writing in two places now! Not bad for someone who doesn't think she does anything.

Tim, my husband, has become a big fan of Garrison Keillor and has taken to downloading podcasts of his Lake Woebegone series, especially Guy Noir, and the daily Writer's Almanac, which Keillor narrates. I really enjoy the Writer's Almanac as it exposes the listener to new poets. One, Denver Butson, has really caught our attention. Mr. Butson received his MFA at my old stomping grounds, BGSU, so is kind of like a kindred spirit. Tim did his magic at the library and procured a copy of Butson's triptych as well as his master's thesis for me to look at. I enjoy poetry, I just don't get to read a lot of it, not being exposed to new poets. Except for now, thanks to Garrison Keillor.

Emerging from my cocoon

I am always surprised at the way I just walk away from writing as if it isn't the most important thing in the world to me. Maybe it isn't and I just don't care. Or maybe because in my career I edit on a daily basis it satisfies my need for words? I don't know. All I know is that I stopped writing on 2/16/08 and haven't looked back. Maybe it is time to take stock?

I have written a novel, really two novels, but the first one is my baby. I would like to send it out but it isn't ready 100% and the thought of going in and editing it terrifies me for some reason. So does sending it in. Is it because I refer to it as my baby? No one has ever said that they think my writing sucks so I am not sure what the problem is. Maybe because it is such hard work for me? It is excruciating for me to sit down and try and come up with something that I avoid it. I don't know why. But I am going to find out.

I think the key is goals. I have been on a diet and I have found, much to my surprise, that small goals really help. So here are some small goals that will ultimately lead to the big goal of sending in my book:

-I have once again picked up Dorothea Brande's book, Becoming A Writer and will finish reading it.
-I will pledge to write every day.
-I will pick two chapters, by April 30, to polish up for an agent.
-After I pick the two chapters, I will work on them individually for one month each, for a minimum of five times a week.
-I will meet back here at the end of June 08 with a progress report, although I will post regularly about my progress. I need a place to whine.

I'm determined to find out if I have anything to say or find out if it is time to go grad school and become a librarian.

Decompressing

I have taken this past week and have been decompressing and I have to say that I miss the pressure cooker atmosphere of NaNoWriMo. I know that I feeling back to normal because my inner critic came back from vacation and told me that he thought my novel sucked! I missed him so. Anyway, I am going to slowly go back through my novel and start editing.

I was thinking about the what haves and might have beens and have been thinking that I should have went to grad school in Colorado when I had the chance. That was the whole reason I went out there, and I didn't even bother! Which brings me to my next point: I wasted a lot of time on stupid stuff, including not writing, when I was younger. Let's hope that that is over with. I also have to be pragmatic in thinking about the past. I have realized just because you are living in a different place or have a different job, you are still the same person. You can't run away from it. Who knows if I even would have liked grad school? I had a traumatic experience with a creative writing instructor in college. She knows who she is. I was looking into minoring in it at BGSU, but the woman was so horrible, she couldn’t believe that all I was worried about was graduating. I ended up minoring in English and graduating on-time.

I also had a traumatic experience with an English teacher in high school. She wasn’t very nice and was extremely critical about my two-page essays. Maybe it was tough love? I don't know, I was too busy being a brat.

Creative writing workshops

In a previous blog posting, I mentioned the lack of creative writing workshops for non-students in the Toledo area. There was a reason I brought this up. I once read an article on Chuck Palahnuik, who wrote the book on which that most excellent movie, Fight Club, was based, and he said that he attended writer's workshops, hosted by Tom Spanbauer (a Pulitzer Prize-nominated writer). It was there that he honed his craft. I don’t have that here in Toledo. There used to be a group at Owens but I don't see any evidence that it still is in existence. As an aside, a friend of mine used to go to it, but he moved away.

I have been enjoying the other side of 50,000 words, but I know that the novel needs some tweaking. I am going to give it a week or so before I go back into it. Let it sit for a bit.

I won!

I won! I won the NaNoWriMo! This is the first time I entered and I have to say that I really enjoyed it. I liked the discipline required. I liked the creative, free-flowing aspect of it where the inner critic was turned off. It was really a great creative exercise. And I got this really great avatar: