Word count 11/12

10,023 words today, slightly ahead of schedule.

I haven't been making a big deal out of writing after my freakout from the other day because I committed to this and it is really ridiculous to cry and moan about it. This is the business we have chosen!

Anyhow, I have been thinking about what happiness is and how excruciatingly painful writing is for me and how this can't possibly make me happy. Then what can? Maybe I have to wallow in the pain. I am afraid that every time I sit down I won't be able to come up with anything. That is my fear. I stop writing in my journal because I run out of things to say. The truth is that sometimes life is very boring and sometimes I don't want to talk about my feelings. I think I have grown out of that navel gazing somewhat. So I stop writing for a while to refresh my thoughts. I go run, or I sew, or I make a bracelet, or I knit something and it is refreshing and then I come back to writing after a while.

Maybe this is how it is for me.